Continued from Part Two…

The question posed:

If adopting from Haiti, particularly in the case of an older child, should parental visits to Haiti be allowed or encouraged before the adoption is finalized? I have heard the pros (early bonding) and cons (feelings of abandonment when you leave without the child) on this subject.

And another response:

Agency 4

Here is my opinion. One visit would definitely be great. You can take a photo album to your child, you can take him/her some special items. S/he can meet... more

Continued from Part One…

This was the question posed by a friend of a friend to a handful of adoption agencies:

If adopting from Haiti, particularly in the case of an older child, should parental visits to Haiti be allowed or encouraged before the adoption is finalized? I have heard the pros (early bonding) and cons (feelings of abandonment when you leave without the child) on this subject.

And here are the various responses (both pro and con, and somewhere in between) she received:

Agency 1

You are correct -... more

My husband and I have visited our girls in Haiti twice now … once in July of 2006 and then again in September of 2006. I was fully prepared to go on the next Parent Trip to Haiti this last January with our agency, but once the travel dates were announced; I realized that I should not go to Haiti again. There were many reasons behind this—financial, the stress of getting ready for a trip, the stress of the trip, leaving our other kids behind, leaving our daughters in Haiti. I wanted to see them, and yet I also knew that it was not the right decision to go.

Our agency just announced a new policy for their Parent Trips. Up until recently, they had Parent Trips every three months.... more

I love this photo of my husband, Tim with our youngest child, Talley. This is from our first trip to Haiti. In fact, it was taken on Talley’s first birthday … on July 13, 2006.

Before we started our journey to adopt from Haiti, I had begged Tim for months to adopt a newborn baby. He semi-agreed at one point, but a few weeks later admitted that he was seriously regretting his agreement. He felt like he was done with babies and never wanted another child under the age of three.

Eventually he agreed to adopt Georgia,... more

Continued from Part Two...

It was very upsetting for Tim and I. Now we're wondering what we could have done differently to avoid her having to ride the emotional roller-coaster right along with us. We hardly ever talk about the girls to the babies. We do have photos here and there. They have seen the videos. They have been told we are leaving to visit Georgia and Talley. But we really don't talk about them very much. In fact, it seems like the... more

Continued from Part One...

An excerpt from my online blog:

December 1, 2006:

Something sad happened tonight. Don't worry, it isn't anything terribly bad. Let me go back a few months. One day I was shopping at Walmart and saw a cute little black baby doll with a basket and bottle and other accessories. It was right before we went to Haiti for the first time. I wanted that doll for... more

A fellow adoptive mom was sharing her terrible day with an email-list I frequent. Her little daughter had had a dream that her new siblings were home. When she awoke and realized it wasn’t true, she was traumatized. It became clear to her mother just how much her daughter was missing her new baby brother and sister (who are still in Haiti). She emailed the list asking for advice.

It reminded me of a few experiences I have had with our kids when we are in the middle of an adoption. When Sahara was three years old, we were in the process of adopting Ryland. We... more

Continued from Part One...

Two months after our daughter was born, we decided to adopt from Africa. My husband told people in casual conversation. We quickly chose to adopt from Ethiopia and picked our agency. Everyone knew we were adopting well before we received referrals for our new children. With our older son and daughter, we picked them off of a video of waiting children. We showed the video to anyone who would watch it. For our little baby boy, we received photos... more

How do you tell your loved ones and friends that you are adopting a child? Do you wait until you have a referral and a photo to share? Do you tell people as soon as you sign up with an agency? Before you sign up with an agency? Do you just tell them, as if it is a casual thing? Or do you make a big deal out of it—maybe take your parents to dinner and spill the beans; or invite everyone over for a party and have a cake that says, “We’re Adopting!” on it? I am sure that it varies from person to person, and from adoption to adoption. It probably... more

I learned about our daughter, Georgia, from my friend, Tana. She had met Georgia on a Parent Trip to Haiti. She had noticed Georgia, standing off by herself, afraid of all of the commotion. Tana spent a little time with Georgia, but never got her to smile. Our adoption coordinator sent me lots of photos of Georgia in the beginning—photos she had been collecting for nearly a year. Georgia was not smiling in any of them. In fact, she was downright sobbing in some. We learned that Georgia... more