Siblings

Continued from Part One... When we were in Ethiopia, Beth told us that she was older than the orphanage claimed she was. We adjusted her birth year, making her 5 months younger than Sahara. Adopting three kids at once was an event in and of itself, nevermind having three new kids of varying ages blend into our family. Our adjustment issues were more about our new kids fitting into our family, more than age-related problems. Then we decided to adopt again. We found out about our daughter, Georgia in Haiti. We did not know what her birth date was at first, only that she was about two and a half years old. When we received her referral packet, we discovered that she was only four month older… [more]

Adopting out of birth order is a hot topic in the adoption community. Should it be done or not? You will find advocates for either side of the coin. Like most situations in life, I believe that it depends on the family involved. We have adopted out of birth order a couple of times. It has worked out well for our family for the most part. Our first three adoptions were of babies. We adopted our daughter, Sahara first. When she was almost three years old, we started our son, Ryland’s adoption. When Ryland was five years old, we adopted our daughter, Claire. We stayed in birth order and life was fine and normal. Then we decided to adopt… [more]

Continued from Part Two... It was very upsetting for Tim and I. Now we're wondering what we could have done differently to avoid her having to ride the emotional roller-coaster right along with us. We hardly ever talk about the girls to the babies. We do have photos here and there. They have seen the videos. They have been told we are leaving to visit Georgia and Talley. But we really don't talk about them very much. In fact, it seems like the kids talk about the girls more than we do. Should we have never said a thing about them until they were coming home? Never shared photos or videos? Then again… [more]

Continued from Part One... An excerpt from my online blog: December 1, 2006: Something sad happened tonight. Don't worry, it isn't anything terribly bad. Let me go back a few months. One day I was shopping at Walmart and saw a cute little black baby doll with a basket and bottle and other accessories. It was right before we went to Haiti for the first time. I wanted that doll for Georgia, and so I bought it. It was inexpensive and all plastic. I thought it would be a great gift for her to have in the orphanage. We ran out of room in the suitcase, and I decided to hold onto it for the next… [more]

A fellow adoptive mom was sharing her terrible day with an email-list I frequent. Her little daughter had had a dream that her new siblings were home. When she awoke and realized it wasn’t true, she was traumatized. It became clear to her mother just how much her daughter was missing her new baby brother and sister (who are still in Haiti). She emailed the list asking for advice. It reminded me of a few experiences I have had with our kids when we are in the middle of an adoption. When Sahara was three years old, we were in the process of adopting Ryland. We told Sahara all about Ryland. We had his photos up in our… [more]

If you’re trying to decide whether or not to bring your child or children with you to their new sibling’s country of birth, you might find this list helpful: The Pros • Your child will get to see his sibling’s country of birth. He/she will be able to tell his/her sibling about their country from personal experience. • Your child will be able to bond with his/her new sibling without the distractions of regular life. • He/she will be able to understand exactly where their new sibling is coming from. It may enable them to treat them with more love and patience, and possibly feel less threatened by their arrival in the family. • Your child will get to see what another country is like. • He/she will be able to experience another culture—the sights… [more]

If you’re trying to decide whether or not to bring your child or children with you to their new sibling’s country of birth, you might find this list helpful: The Cons • Traveling might be too intense for your child. • Your child might get sick (Ryland did. We gave him Cipro, and thankfully he recovered quickly. However, it was worrisome for us at the time). • Your child will most likely be bored on the trip. This can be draining; trying to keep him/her entertained when you are busy with your new child and adoption arrangements, too. • You quite possibly will have to deal with siblingitis much sooner than you’d care to. This could make a stressful situation unbearable as a parent. • Emotions run high when in another country, especially when adopting a child… [more]

Continued from Part One... Last July (2006), my husband and I went to Haiti to meet our two new daughters. While we were there, we decided that it would be great for our older children to experience Haiti. Haiti is like nothing I have ever personally seen before. It is the perfect description for extreme poverty. Around the same time we went to Haiti for the first time, our son, Ryland was constantly complaining about his “rough” life. He felt that nothing was fair. The entire time I was in Haiti, I kept thinking to myself, “Ryland needs to come here.” One of the very first things I did upon our return home, was… [more]

In the beginning of this blog, I shared an essay that my 8 year old son, Ryland had written after visiting his sisters in Haiti. I mentioned in that post that I would discuss the pros and cons of bringing children along on adoption trips in a future post. Over the last few days, my thoughts have heavily been on this subject. Way back in 1999, I lived in Viet Nam for three months while I worked on getting Ryland’s adoption completed. My 3 year old, Sahara, was at home with my husband. I missed her terribly. For much of the time in Viet Nam, I was without Ryland… [more]