Adoptive families are a curiosity, and multi-racial adoptive families are even more so. When you adopt a baby or child that does not resemble you (as you most likely will if you adopt from Haiti), you can be guaranteed a rude comment, question or look here and there.

In the beginning, the questions and/or comments can be upsetting and often catch you off-guard. You are unfamiliar with the attention and feel irritated about having to explain your family. You are often unsure of the best or correct way to respond. On one hand, you do not want to let your child think that a stranger’s curiosity is more important than their feelings or keeping their story private. On the other hand, maybe the person asking questions is truly interested in adoption and does not understand the correct way to go about getting information on how to adopt.

Sometimes you may feel capable of these interactions, while at other times you feel too tired to do anything but the task at hand. The age of your child will certainly affect how you respond, as well. Each encounter will be different in some way and you will handle them all differently, too.

As your child ages, you will be better able to handle the comments. You will feel more comfortable with the status of your family and you will know how you want to answer questions about your family. However, no matter how many questions or comments you hear, no matter how long you have been answering or avoiding such questions or comments, there will be times that you are completely surprised with an uncomfortable encounter.

I have noticed a few things:

First, people usually comment more when you have younger children. People love babies and young children. We are drawn to them. When you see, for example, a White mother with a Black child, your interest is piqued. You wonder what the situation for them being together might be. It can’t be helped—we humans are a curious bunch. Some people do not understand boundaries, and when they see such a family, they make a decision to approach.

Second, the more adopted children you have, the more of a curiosity you will be. When we adopted our second child, the comments and questions took a new turn. People wanted to know if our children were “real sister and brother”. We had people ask how they treated one another—did they like each other? As we added to our family, we continued to hear these types of questions. We’d also get comments such as, “You’ve got your hands full!” or “Are they all yours, or do you run a daycare?” or “Which ones of them are real brothers and sisters?” or my least favorite, “I admire you for doing this!” People tell me what a saint I am, or that I must have so much patience.

Third, when you have children of different races, it doesn’t seem to matter how many there are or what their ages are. The questions and comments are plentiful. We have received anything from, “What a beautiful family you have!” to “You must be crazy!” and everything in between.

There are times when I don’t mind the attention or the chance to educate others on adoptive families. There are times I want to rip the person’s head off and kick it to the moon. But like I tell my children, it’s a small price to pay for being able to be the family we are.

Continued…