Continued from Part Two…

We left Sears and went straight to Wal-Mart, where we were faced with an almost identical encounter to the one we’d just had at Sears:

Experience #2: The cashier looked at my kids and said, "Are they adopted or are they foster kids?" I was miffed by the question, thinking, "Grrr...WHY does it matter?!" I curtly replied, "I adopted them and now they are mine."

The cashier looked them over again and asked, "Are they from the same family?" Before I could process her question and answer it, she pointed at my Asian daughter and said, "Well, she's not from the same family. I can see that. But what about the other ones? Are they from the same family?" I stared at her in disbelief and coldly replied, "We don't share that info." She went on, "Well, I was just curious." I answered, "Well, that's personal information that we don't share." She responded, "Like I said, I was just curious." I remained silent, but was fuming inside.

I thought it was over, but she continued with, "I really admire people who can do that ... you know ... adopt kids." I stared at her for a moment, wondering if she were truly as dumb as she currently appeared to be, and said, "My husband and I are the lucky ones to have these amazing children, and I feel very sorry for people who aren't open to adoption. They are the ones who are missing out." She fumbled around with the bags and said, "Oh, I completely agree, but my husband would never allow it." From that moment on I played with my kids and pretended that she wasn't there.

How stupid and rude can a person be? For goodness sake, my kids were right there! They aren't deaf. They heard and understood every single word. It makes me so angry when complete strangers invalidate our family.

My (Asian) daughter, Sahara was the one who felt it the most. (She is eleven years old and very mature for her age.) She was the one that stood out and prompted the cashiers’ curiosity to escalate beyond tact. Without my (Asian) son, Ryland there, she was an "oddity" amongst her Black siblings. She was a little withdrawn the rest of the day and played by herself that night after dinner. She just didn’t seem herself.

My heart aches when I see my children hurting or feeling different, because they were adopted into a multi-racial family. It must be so difficult for them at times. I wish I could make the hard times go away, but I cannot. I just do my best to show them how special and loved they each are. And I try to handle negative encounters as positively as possible. My job would be so much easier if people respected boundaries and more importantly … our family.

In the future, I'd like to discuss how one can better manage unsolicited questions and comments, as well as other issues surrounding this topic. So stay tuned.

Please feel free to share how you personally handle questions and comments. Or if you feel so inclined, share some of the encounters you and your family have experienced.