"So, when are your girls from Haiti coming home?"

I hear this question nearly every time I leave my house. There are days that I don't even want to go out in public, for fear I will see someone I know, and then hear this question. I understand that people are just trying to be supportive and interested. However, it only reminds me that my girls are very far from me and that I have zero control over what happens to them.

In the beginning of the adoption, I tried to be upbeat and positive. I would respond with a smile and a chipper attitude, "In about a year!" As time passed, my attitude soured. After I met my girls and my love for them blossomed and deepened, the questions took on a new meaning for me and brought out negative feelings. Now, I usually just shrug my shoulders and respond, "I do not know. I hope it's this year."

Sometimes, I've noticed, I don't even want to talk about my girls with other people at all. It feels too personal.

Now that it has been a year since we started our adoption from Haiti, this question (and sometimes any question about our girls) irritates me. At a time when I had expected to be celebrating the news that we had exited IBESR, we are awaiting news that the director of our agency has been able to work out some issues with IBESR. We do not know how long this will take, and nothing can happen until IBESR decides to release our file to our agency.

I am trying not to panic. I am trying not to be bitter about this lengthy, uncertain process. I knew it would be uncertain and lengthy when I signed up. But it all changed when I held my girls. Waiting took on a whole new meaning the day I felt their skin against mine and cradled them in my arms.

I am trying to be positive and faithful. I am trying to remember that I am doing all I can (which is not much more than praying at this point), and that my agency is doing all that they can, as well.

It gets difficult though, when everyone wants to know why our girls aren't home yet, or why it's taking so long for the adoption to be final. I do not have the answers myself, so how can I satisfy their curiosity?

Everyone seems to think that the Haitian government should be so happy that there are adoptive parents for their many orphaned children, that they would process adoptions with the speed of light. I do not even know how to respond to that comment. It is too broad a topic.

I guess I am just venting after an emotional day. Adoption, especially from Haiti, is not for the faint of heart. Some days are just harder than others.